


in a sick way

by missw0rld



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Borderline Personality Disorder, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mommy Issues, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:02:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28643406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missw0rld/pseuds/missw0rld
Summary: there are nearly 1000 people in mint eye. but you remember when it was just you and rika. you remember when you were the only person who believed her.she’s the savior. and you’ll always believe her.
Relationships: 707 | Choi Luciel/Main Character, Rika/Choi Saeran, Rika/V | Kim Jihyun
Kudos: 2





	in a sick way

**Author's Note:**

> tangents from saeran's perspective. not in order and not necessarily set in the same timeline/route.

your shaky hands are wrapped around her waist and she's pretending that she doesn't notice how they keep slipping. her distantly floral-scented lotion makes it too slick to get a good hold on her, so you try to get her to lay down. 

she doesn't move. 

you didn't expect her to.

* * *

"mom," you cry out, lazy and dumb. 

you don't realize that you've said anything other than her name until her eyes go wide and then narrow. she stands up. your mouth opens to apologize but nothing comes out. 

it's wholly freudian and you both know it. 

she doesn’t bring it up again. 

* * *

it takes an ungodly amount of time for you to ask the question that you’ve been turning around in your head since this started.

“does v know?” you ask.

“do you want him too?” rika asks back.

you want to tell her yes. you want to tell her that you’d do anything to show him that she is yours. you want to tell her that when you touch yourself at night, it’s to the thought of making love to her in front of the rest of this godforsaken cult.

you want to tell her not to worry about v. you want to tell her that his victim complex is too strong to feel anything but validation from the act of cuckoldry, you’re half sure that he already gets off to it in private, why not make it come true?

you want to tell her that you love her in a sick way-- in a way that makes you want to cut open her skin and crawl inside of her. in a way that makes you want to kill her and then yourself because you can’t stand to live in a world without her. 

that’s not what she wants to hear though.

“no, rika” you reply.

  
  


* * *

you’re the weaker twin.

it might as while be written on your forehead or printed on your shirt. he’s a better hacker than you. he’s taller than you. he has a girlfriend whose only boyfriend is him. 

you don’t blame your mother for preferring him. you don’t blame rika either. 

* * *

there are nearly 1000 people in mint eye. but you remember when it was just you and rika. you remember when you were the only person who believed her.

she’s the savior. and you’ll always believe her.

  
  


* * *

she’s your soulmate and you know it. it’s an absent, fleeting thought that you don’t linger on for long periods of time. but you know it’s true.

you know it’s true in the same way that you know that you killed your mother. later, they will try to tell you that it was rika who killed her, as if that matters. she is an extension of you and your soul as much as you are an extension of her. 

there is a piece of her in every part of you. 

she’s your soulmate. 

it doesn't matter if she feels the same.

(do saviors even have soulmates?)

* * *

you’re an addict but not just to the drugs, not just to the elixir, but to the brief moments where she is not his.

they are stolen moments and they are moments that never should have been yours, but they exist and you would be an idiot to ignore the love of your life on her knees because of a social contract that you never even signed.

you never told v that you were going to marry him. you’re not the one breaking promises, ruining years of a relationship. it’s not you sinning here. 

but rika isn’t sinning either, because she wouldn’t be rika if she was sinning. something greater than both of you is causing this sin and it’s like the trolley problem but you’re convinced that you’re going to die regardless of whether or not the lever gets pulled.

* * *

you’re excited to die for her. you hope that’s she in the room, not out of any sort of sadism, like the men who leave their gun-mutilated body as a suicide note to a spurned wife, but because she won’t be able to look away. in those last moments, she will be yours and you will die knowing that she is looking at you. 

all you ever wanted was those viridian eyes on you. 

* * *

saeyoung grabs you by the shoulders and his breath smells like isopropyl alcohol when he tells that it’s not your fault that rika made this choice for you.

something in you says that he’s wrong, that no choices on rika’s end had led you to this. there’s something inside you that has always been leading you to this point, to dying in here with him. you were both mistakes from the moment you were conceived and the universe has been trying to correct it ever since. 

it’s time for you to have some initiative and do something about it. 

* * *

you are dying and she’s not looking at you. she’s looking at him like he’s not already just an object in a room. a corpse on the floor. 

you want to scream that soon there are going to be two corpses in the room and you want her eyes on you when you become nothing but a body.

your throat is filling with blood and you can’t speak, you can’t move and you want to clap your hands and jump up and down and tell her to look. 

and in that moment as she cradles the face of her dead ex-fiancee, you know that she no longer loves you. maybe she did at some point, and maybe she will again once you’re dead, but she is incapable of loving you as you’re dying. 

the room feels so big and it isn’t fair. 

* * *

a small, deviant part of you enjoys the fact that she doesn’t love you as much as you love her. something in you gets off on fighting for scraps of affection and constantly proving your worth. 

it’s a familiar sort of hurt and there’s an element of comfort to it. it’s the knife that you turn inside of yourself, a mutilation of the corpse that your mother left behind. 

you think that v probably feels the same, that he probably gets off on being martyred. being victimized is an art that he does well, better than any of his photographs. 

in the quiet of your room, you think that you would have let her blind you too. 

  
  



End file.
